Among the most significant changes with this year’s Elements releases has little to do with new features but instead concerns the ways users purchase and own the software. While prior versions of Photoshop and Premiere Elements have been lifetime licenses — the user buys the software and then owns it indefinitely — this year’s release has moved to a three-year license term.
The new license comes in this really cute collar! To activate it. Simply lock the collar on the user’s neck and bam! You got 3 years of free Adobe Acrobat and Elements!
Do not take the collar off. It is secured by Battle Royale Inc. it will remove the user’s neck area separating the top part from the bottom part. It’s a very strict but effective license option!
Also, the collar may cause slight discomfort including (but not limited to) itching, rashes, choking, rashes and llergic reactions). For such cases, we have technitians availiable in 20+ of the world’s largest cities to help you alleviate the symptoms! (You’ll have to get an appointment through a fake AI robocall first)
T&C
Any attempt to touch the collar by a person not wearing it will cause the collar to start burning the flesh of both the toucher and wearer. When the wesrer wishes to use Adobe Elements, they have to plug in their collar into the computer. Only the wearer may touch the wire of the collar - any attempt by a 3rd party to touch the collar will cause a 80dB screeching noise to be emitted by the collar. Any complains must be arbitrated. We will not budge like those pussies over at Disney. If you’re an EU citizen you have to renounce your citizenship if you wish to use Adobe products. Our products may onle be used in progressive democracies with strong corporate freedom of forced arbitration.
Spoiler
Tbh I think I sold them way too short since their agreement would be at least 35000 words long
I love it!
This just in! The collars are now compatible with the new Samsung USB C battery packs! You know what that means right?
That’s right! The employees can now return home without the automatic head separation system going off! The battery packs are available at Walmart and Costco. They are not rechargeable one time use and biodegradable! You’re saving the planet! One pack allows the employee full freedom to go shopping, ho home, be with their family, watch someone take a shower and participate in conjugal visitation. You must not wet the collar to prevent accidental loss of GPS communication to the Deadman switch. Also plan your routes accordingly, you must not drive under any bridge or enter buildings with thickness greater than 12 inches of concrete.
