How do you get other people to speak with you? Usually I never know what to say in response.
Being a chatterbox hasn’t worked out too well throughout my life. Even in my second language, German, it’s evident im sort of a “parrot” when it comes to learned social phrases.
Socially exhausted right now and feeling like an alien.
The best way is to ask questions about something that the person obviously puts thought into.
“Those shoes are sweet, where did you get them?”
“Gnarly hair dude, who’s your stylist?”
“Yo this chicken piccata you made is tubular man.”
Be engaged and ask follow up questions, people love talking about themselves. Soon enough you’ve gotten to know them, and you just say hey and be friendly every interaction after.
I like being avant- Garde and over the top when I want to get someone’s attention… This seems to break people out of their robotic work responses, and it gives others a chance to show their fun side.
Giving compliments is fun, but I feel sometimes people think I’m complimenting them for one in return!
Giving compliments is fun, but I feel sometimes people think I’m complimenting them for one in return!
Maybe they view it that way, and it does vary from person to person, but if you’re being genuine you probably aren’t giving off that vibe at all! Now, if you are actually just complimenting them for transactional purposes then yeah, they’re probably going to pick up on that. But if you’re using a compliment as a segue into a conversation, it’s obvious you’re not fishing for compliments because you’re asking questions about what you just complimented.
The best advice on socialization that I can give you is don’t be afraid to express genuine positivity, for any reason. If you think someone’s shoes are cool, go tell them, and ask them about that. If they think you’re weird for saying so, that is 100% a them problem and there are plenty of awesome peeps out there that will take your positivity and interest in them and send it back your way tenfold.
EDIT: To add to this, because you clarified that your issues lie in maintaining conversations rather than starting them, try to balance giving/gaining information in a conversation, see if that helps. Conversations are a back-and-forth that can go almost anywhere, not an event where people take turns saying their thing at the other person. So if you’re in the middle of a conversation and you think you’re starting to be a chatterbox, go like “ah but I’m going off again,” and ask them something about what they last said. Not only does it show you’re listening, it also allows them to circle back to a topic in which they obviously show interest. If you try to ask (noninvasive) questions and prod the other person into giving information, the conversation can’t stagnate because you’re engaging them on a subject.
Also, sometimes conversations just die. Or have awkward endings. That’s not necessarily an autism thing, just a life thing. Most of the time when I think I made a conversation awkward, going back and asking for clarification if I made it awkward is what actually makes it awkward. If you can be fine with maybe coming across as a little odd sometimes, it will take a MASSIVE amount of pressure off of social situations for you.
