Yes but also racism and homophobia deserve derision and to be laughed and joked about in ways that don’t hurt people. Hear me out. It’s a weird situation because the people who are offended by it deserve to be and are valid but so are the people that say stuff like “telling people that you can’t say that word gives it power” because it absolutely does.
It’s why myself and my gay partner will jokingly use slurs in private. Because it’s funny and we’re mocking the people that hate us. And by using their words as a joke, we take the sting out of them. Because it’s absurd theyre used seriously in the first place.
So we exist in this weird spot where we’ve said “yes the gays can reclaim their slurs. And yes the minorities can reclaim their words. But no one else can say them” and it’s like sure but then other people aren’t able to properly take the sting out of the words.
Not saying there’s a right answer, I’m just saying that we have weird standards that may not be serving our goals.
If your goal is to make yourself and your partner feel better than I think that makes sense. The other poster is talking about how to effect change in people like those in this picture though, which requires a different approach.
That’s sort of what I was getting at. Obviously we shouldn’t be using those words in public if they’re going to hurt people, but it almost seems like we’ve regressed and given slurs more power by not saying them as jokes like I do at home occasionally. Specifically the word in the photo is a huge no no and for good reason but it’s power isn’t decaying is the point.
So the question I’m poking at is: how do you get rid of the power of slurs without offending people? It seems impossible because I almost think that as a community we should all be able to share in reclaiming language to some extent. Otherwise it can divide us.
Last thing, the word here in this photo is something that is often fine for black people to say but not others. Again I get why. But doesn’t that inherently enforce a divide? Like sorry I actually cannot share in your reclamation culture because I am racially barred from doing so. From my perspective (which could be wrong) I’d rather let people and friends outside my community use those words with me in a casual and inoffensive manner than dividing us by enforcing language rules against them. Just a thought.
I’d rather let people and friends outside my community use those words with me in a casual and inoffensive manner than dividing us by enforcing language rules against them
If that’s what you want, tell them. If you came to me and asked me to use certain slurs with you in a joking way, I’d try my best to do so, but only in private and only with you. It would probably take me some time to get over my barrier to using them, but it’s something I’m willing to do if a friend asks.
But that’s not going to really help the next person. Slurs only have power because we give them power. The solution here isn’t to normalize using particular words, the solution is to educate people about the people who those slurs target. I live in a very conservative area and have very conservative parents, and my neighbors and parents have both softened their anti-homosexual stance due to actually meeting and interacting with LGBT people. In fact, there’s a trans woman at my library, and she seems to be very accepted. This works because people are exposed to real people and understand that using those slurs hurts real people.
Normalizing the terms won’t do anything, bigots will just come up with new slurs. The real solution is greater exposure so people can get past the discomfort and arrive at understanding. That’s what’s likely missing for the boys in this picture, and it’s what we desperately need if we want more acceptance.
The most compelling case I’ve seen for keeping them is to protect against exploitation and commodification. For example, there’s a long history of AAVE/BVE words and phrases that have been considered vulgar and uneducated until co-opted by white communities. “Woke” is a particularly topical example: A word meant to evoke unity and self-awareness in the black community has been co-opted by (mostly) white conservatives to rally against progressive and inclusive policies. Reclaiming the n-word means using its taboo nature as a shield, saying “this is our word, and you can’t have it.” You can’t go on the campaign trail and complain about n*ggers, but you also can’t forget where it came from and what it meant. It’s a living word that carries its history forward into the modern age so we don’t forget the crimes of the past.
I’ve likewise seen use of the f-slur as a rebellion against rainbow capitalism. Companies will take pride flags and symbols and words and sell them on t-shirts and use them in commercials. These are things that were all made with intention and symbolism by the queer* community and flown in the face of danger, but companies really don’t give a shit about that because well-meaning people will give them their money to support a cause. Come July first, though, do you see them selling that merch, donating to LGBTQ+ causes, or supporting their queer employees? Of course not, if anything that all gets thrown under the bus for whatever financial issue the company is having. The f-slur is again saying “this is our word, and you can’t have it.” It’s often used jokingly or even affectionately by the queer community, but you’re not going to see it printed on a mass produced shirt or said in an ad. It belongs to them and them only, maintaining the history of its creation and reclamation without being diluted by commodification.
It’s also important to remember that the words have not lost their sting for many people, especially those who still often hear it said with malice towards the targeted group. We should acknowledge they they are not at a point where they cannot hear the word without those strong, negative feelings, and we can do so by respecting requests not to use it in certain spaces and calling out others who are not as sensitive.
- As a side note, “queer” is a slur that is slowly working its way back into common parlance. It may be that these other slurs go that way eventually, though it’ll take longer for some of the more severe ones.
After reading your whole comment I’m left wondering if you had a point at all, none of that needed to be said…
