Today, before taking an Uber home, she sent me a text wanting me to be downstairs on the street to greet her as the Uber arrives. I read it and told her that yes, I’ll be there. I didn’t notice any further text because I was in the middle of something.
Later, I hear the door opening and went to our door to greet her, she was furious and refused to talk to me. I realized I forgot to turn my phone back from silent mode after work today. I told her that it is my bad, she still refused to talk to me. At this point, things are still normal for our relationship, she would usually become willing to talk after a while.
I usually go to sleep at 22:30 and she knows, so I thought we’d sort things out tomorrow and went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night (later I found out it was 1a.m.) to her standing next to my bed (we sleep in separate bedrooms), and she began asking a series of pointed questions: “What would you do if you found out that I was gone?”, “What would you do if the CCTV on our street is broken by chance?”, “What would you tell my mother if I went missing?”, “If I was actually kidnapped, would you kill the guy for me?”
You know, the usual. I thought she’s just angry at me still and wanted to vent, so I went along with her for the time being: “I’d be very worried and look for you everywhere”, “I’d sue the city”, “I’d tell your mother exactly what happened and say I’m sorry”, and “I’d kill the guy who kidnapped you”.
She grumbled and asked a few follow-up questions, like “if you’re planning to kill the guy, what would you do with our cat?” But at this point, I think she’s finding it difficult to stay angry at me. I tell her again that I’m sorry I missed her text, and that next time this happens, she should just call me to make sure I see her text, but she left soon after without acknowledging my apology.
I know I’m in the wrong for missing her text. Not trying to argue otherwise. My question is, am I really responsible if someone kidnaps her between getting off the Uber and getting into our apartment complex? Is she trying to guilt trip me into thinking her anger is justified or am I really a horrible, kidnap-facilitating bad person for missing a few texts?
Edit for context: we live in a pretty safe city that ranks top 10 in the world on low crime rate. Also, thank you all for educating me on what gaslighting actually means. It was 2 in the morning when I posted this, I did not have the energy to find the answer myself.
I can’t tell if this is a joke post. Assuming that it’s not, there’s a lot of missing context. If she wanted you to meet her and you got that text, why didn’t you? Do you live somewhere that human trafficking is that much a part of daily life that this is an issue? You make comments like a lot of her irrational actions are normal things, which they probably shouldn’t be. She wants assurance that you’ll track down and murder a trafficking group like Liam Nesson and then switches gears immediately to what about the cat? I hope this is a joke post.
Context: I got the text but that the time, she didn’t know when she’d get home so I was waiting on a follow up tesxt with the time she’d be home (again, my bad for not making sure I can hear them), and we live in a pretty safe country, where even robbery is rare.
So you’re saying it is pretty irrational for her to be so extremely worried about being kidnapped? Is she a very anxious and nervous person? It sounds like she was dropped off very close to home. Is she one to turn nothing into something like this? From an outside perspective, her reaction seems way out of line.
She’s not normally like this, and yes Ubers usually drop people off right at the entrance of our apartment. Aside from Uber, she would also take the bus or train into the city, both of which requre a five minute walk through our neighborhood which she has no problem doing.
The way that I interpret it, OP’s girlfriend was simply being hyperbolic. I don’t think that she’s genuinely asking OP to kill her hypothetical kidnappers; specially given that, as OP mentioned, they live in a safe place.
Instead I think that she simply wants to be reassured that OP cares about her and her security. And then started playing around with the “but what about our cat?” thing because come on, if you’re thinking on outrageous scenarios, might as well think on them properly!
