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67 points

Why is astroturf “woke”?

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20 points

Petrochemical replacement for plants and favored by stadium owners that hate labor costs? That might be points in it’s favor, but the real issue is liberals don’t appreciate the experience of playing ball in real grass.

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20 points

It’s probably because green fields take a ton of water to maintain in many climates. In the American west, they’re awful for water usage. Green lawns and golf courses should straight up be banned for the public good.

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15 points

I’d like to try a round of golf in a western desert. We’re just hitting a ball around; it doesn’t have to look like Scotland.

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64 points

Because woke means “thing I don’t like” and that’s all

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6 points

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20 points

Even as all the alarm bells go off about droughts and impending water crises, we must never compromise on our God-given right to lush green grass lawns.

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