i tried for too long to be decent toward people who weren’t decent to me. In return for my decency, i now have issues with depression and anxiety.
i won’t be decent to anyone who’s a dick. I’ll be petty as fuck. I’ll key their car, i’ll park super close to them in the parking lot so they can’t open their car door to get in, I’ll use their dead names, I’ll call them out in public, I’ll hire hookers to accost them in front of their families, demanding payment for services never rendered. I’ll throw nails on their driveways so they get punctures.
Except in this case you aren’t doing any of those. He will never read it. He will never know. You are doing it for you but it has no effect on them at all.
Show what you wrote to a therapist and ask them if that’s healthy. Ask if it contributes to or helps with that anxiety.
