You are viewing a single thread.
View all comments
64 points

NSFW INCOMING…

Tap for spoiler

I once saw a boner!

Was delivering pizza and after knocking on the door, and no one answered, I took a few steps back and looked around to see if anyone was at home. I saw two people on the couch in the living room, naked, face to face.

Well fuck! They’re home, but busy, and if I leave we lose a sale. So I knock again, a but louder.

Door opens a he’s standing there in the buck with a wet, raging, erection. I can smell the sex on him. “Yeah!?” he says…

Now I’m there, in uniform, holding a pizza delivery bag, and my running car is behind me with a big ol’ corporate pizza logo lit up.

“You ordered a pizza?”

“Oh yeah, right!” He hold out his hands.

“That’ll be $18…” He looks confused. “You have to pay for the food sir…”

Light bulb goes off. Weed smoke starts wafting out the door.

He looks down, laughs to himself and just turns around and walks away. Leaving the door open. I hope he’s going to find his wallet, so I stay there.

A few minutes later he returns to the open door, smelling strongly of weed and pussy, his dick now dripping wet. He hands me a $20, and waits for his change.

permalink
report
reply
29 points
*

and waits for his change.

Haha of course.

permalink
report
parent
reply
19 points
*
Deleted by creator
permalink
report
parent
reply
11 points

guy shows up high, naked, mid-coitus with an erection and you still do the job. meanwhile i step away from the pool to open the door for the landlord agent to conduct move out inspection; he walks away and i get a nastygram from the landlord later on that i was exhibiting inappropriate behavior making their agent uncomfortable and they’re going to fine me $150 if i do it again.

strange world.

permalink
report
parent
reply
4 points

According to r*ddit, naked guys happen semi-often if you deliver pizza. This is kind of next level, though.

I did get an obvious booty call once when I was going door-to-door, although the guy kind of tried to hide behind the couch in the background.

permalink
report
parent
reply
2 points

“That’ll be $18…” He looks confused. “You have to pay for the food sir…”

"You know what I’m gonna give ya? I’m gonna give ya to the count of ten to get your ugly, yella, no good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! One… Two… Ten! Ahahaha!!! Ahahahahahaha!!

“Keep the change, you filthy animal.”

permalink
report
parent
reply
2 points

“get on your knees and tell me that you live me.”

permalink
report
parent
reply
2 points

"I believe you.

… But my Tommy gun don’t."

permalink
report
parent
reply

Asklemmy

!asklemmy@lemmy.ml

Create post

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it’s welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Icon by @Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de

Community stats

  • 9.8K

    Monthly active users

  • 3.5K

    Posts

  • 74K

    Comments