saltnotsugar
“Ohhhh I’m gonna nut-“
JUST LET ME PUT ON THE EARMUFFS THEN!
“Make the pants tighter.”
…they’re already pretty tight-
“AS TIGHT AS POSSIBLE!”
The council accepts your offering of cursed hors d’oeuvres, but does not grant you the rank of Forbidden Snack.
Squad 1 will assault here, and Squad 2 will-
“Power up like in Dragon Ball Z. -”
It sure as hell will not!
Now I’m picturing penguins having nonstop business meetings about fish and vendor relations in Antarctica.
Like…LMAO…let’s run some BMPs across this field.
“Sir, the field is mined, covered by anti tank weapons, and is zeroed in with artillery.”
Bro, trust me bro it’ll work bro.
Ah, but this one goes BEEP.
Hey Mittens! What are you up to?
(DOOM music kicks in)
Let me tell you something. I once had a chance to buy one of those giant ass snickers bars. It was designed by engineers to be eaten as a group activity, but I had a theory I could just eat it, and screw everyone else. I was young at the time, but sometimes youth makes “good” choices that turn out horrible. I didn’t buy that giant bar. I regret it. I regret that I’ll never be able to chonk out. Chonk out like a mad man. No. Now you can’t even buy them any more. What was once a dream, is now ash. What is left to do now? Eat a salad!? WHY DID I MISS MY OPPORTUNITY OH LORD!!!
30 years go by. Retire. Live in quiet neighborhood. Phone rings. It’s the manager’s voice. Now it’s time to pay the price.