mhmmm
I was in a very similar position during 2022. It’s a perfect burnout recipe, chronic stressors everywhere and no power to change them. I could feel it building, but was still able to work and the personal stakes were high, so I wanted to make it to the end (which would have been in early 2023). I didn’t. I had a break-down in fall, I couldn’t do anything anymore (no focus, no energy, really bad memory, lots of mistakes at work). I took sick leave and have been in recovery since, and still don’t feel really alright. I have met people who went further than me and have done themselves really bad, and even physical damage doing so - psyche and body feel different, but they are parts of the same organism, and to overtax one is to overtax the other.
In no way was it worth it. I would have chosen differently if I had known what the later stages of burnout felt like.
I really mean it - if it’s in any way feasible and you’ve exhausted other pathways to change inside your role, quit before your body does it for you.
When you feel the burnout building up, you really should not try to stick it out “just until this project is done and I can get some rest”…
I don’t want to scare you, but seriously, do NOT just try to push through the burnout by yourself “until life lets up” and leave it at that - I tried that, and all that happened was a break-down, and afterwards not being able to work, period, for several months. My life back then was not sustainable for my body, and it told me through burnout as a last measure to get me to stop living like that.
In recovery, I’ve also met people who went farther than me (often medication-assisted) and did themselves literal organ damage - one lady had a nearly complete shut-down of the adrenal glands, another had a series of mini-strokes due to elevated blood pressure… it gets bad.
You say there are only two weeks to go, and I wish you the best to get there in one piece. Do try exercising, avoiding screens for two hours before bed, listen to an audiobook to fall asleep, try lavender tea or something, use all the tips.
But please know that afterwards it will not necessarily be over, the exhaustion may stay or come back easily, and you really, really need to reach out to a professional, your GP or psychiatrist and look into treatment options, not just coping options.
Wish you all the best!
Ich sekundiere Duolingo - für den ersten Einstieg, über satzbau bis zu nützlichen Alltagsphrasen ist es ne tolle Art, gamifiziert eine Sprache zu lernen (auch wenn Grammatik oft bisschen kurz kommt.) Gegen bisschen Geld auch ohne Werbung. Und die Töne kann man auch in der App ausmachen, wenn sie nerven!
Auch gut: Bücher lesen, die man schon kennt. Harry Potter mit minimalem Schulenglisch im Original zu lesen hat bei mir echt einen krassen Durchbruch im Sprachgefühl gebracht, und viele implizite Vokabeln, die man sich dann aus dem (schon bekannten) Kontext heraus erschließt.
4-5 / 0-1 / 4-5 / 0-1, repeated for at least 1 minute, better 5 minutes or more. (not too deep or light-headedness can happen)
This is resonance frequency breathing (at round about 0,1 Hz) which maximizes heart rate variability and activates the baroreflex (blood pressure). It’s usually used with a HRV biofeedback device to find the best individual breathing frequency, but it’s not strictly necessary. Just find the speed around these marks that feels good (without feeling like you’re out of breath or getting dizzy). Breath into your belly.
There’s tons of studies for its effects, but mostly it activates your vagal control, and thus tones down anxiety, can help with depression and PTSD symptoms when done regularly, and also helps with high blood pressure, can make recovery after heart surgery easier, is used in professional sports, may help with IBS etc. Look for papers on “HRV biofeedback effects”, if you’re interested.
The most immediate effect I personally have is feeling both more relaxed and more alert, similar to after meditation.
I’ve been using ChatGPT to find inspiration for greeting cards (for birthday, wedding etc.) for people I don’t know that well.
There’s a difference between signalling the brain to release its own dopamine and taking external dopamine. (Important note: All of this is a simplification, I am not an expert!)
The first could be done with drugs (legal and illegal) or other dopamine-stimulating activities with instant rewards, and it absolutely has the ability to change our reasoning (like “Oh yeah, I’ll definitely feel better if I sit motionlessly for hours scrolling memes I don’t even find that funny, and should not, as logic and knowledge dictates, maybe go outside and move my body a little, because that won’t feel as good (doesn’t release as much dopamine)”). So here, the answer is yes, totally. Which is why for example ADHD medication tries to effect an easier release of dopamine to make it easier on the brain-carrier to make different choices, away from instant reward towards delayed gratification.
For the second thing - dopamine’s precursor, L-Dopa, is the straightest way to actually add more dopamine to the brain (since dopamine itself can not pass the blood-brain-barrier, but L-dopa can and is then synthesized into dopamine), which is done in Parkinson’s patients and helps them tremendously. Interestingly however, if you overdose it, you can fall into a drug-induced psychosis, a state in which one could argue that logic and reasoning are indeed affected, so that’s another yes, but not in the way you mean, I think.
In conclusion, brain neurotransmitter chemistry is pretty complicated, but interesting, and the answer to the question if changing something about it will lead to different ways of thinking is very often yes, which is why medicine is doing it :)
Anfang 30, in Ostdeutschland geboren, aufgewachsen und weiter dort (wenn auch anderes Bundesland) - und hab mich nie Ostdeutsch gefühlt, bis ich studieren gegangen bin und das erste Mal wirklich intensiv “Westdeutsche” meines Alters getroffen habe. Da musste ich mir dann eingestehen, dass meine Lebensrealität und was ich für “normal” halte, sehr von der DDR-Vergangenheit der mich erziehenden Generationen (Eltern, Großeltern, Lehrer, Erzieher), der Wende und ihren Nachwehen geprägt waren.
Ich empfehle in diesem Zusammenhang das Buch “Nullerjahre” - die Spezifika sind auf vielen Ebenen anders, aber in dem beschriebenen Lebensgefühl der nächsten Generation nach den Wendekindern hab ich mich sehr wiedergefunden.
I wanted to let you know that your story resonated deeply with me. We had a similar family dynamic in parts (esp. the teaming up by apparent neurotypes), only nobody is officially diagnosed (I’m still waiting for results), which made it even harder to make sense of for a long time. So I feel for you!
During my university years especially, I also struggled heavily with keeping up with household stuff, which made me quite the unpopular flat mate… it’s a huge source of shame for me, and still affects me to this day (though I’d like to believe I’ve gotten better).
Thank you for sharing, even if it is uncomfortable, it made me feel less alone with these experiences - so please don’t feel like you have to apologize :)