mhmmm

Anfang 30, in Ostdeutschland geboren, aufgewachsen und weiter dort (wenn auch anderes Bundesland) - und hab mich nie Ostdeutsch gefühlt, bis ich studieren gegangen bin und das erste Mal wirklich intensiv “Westdeutsche” meines Alters getroffen habe. Da musste ich mir dann eingestehen, dass meine Lebensrealität und was ich für “normal” halte, sehr von der DDR-Vergangenheit der mich erziehenden Generationen (Eltern, Großeltern, Lehrer, Erzieher), der Wende und ihren Nachwehen geprägt waren.

Ich empfehle in diesem Zusammenhang das Buch “Nullerjahre” - die Spezifika sind auf vielen Ebenen anders, aber in dem beschriebenen Lebensgefühl der nächsten Generation nach den Wendekindern hab ich mich sehr wiedergefunden.

I don’t want to scare you, but seriously, do NOT just try to push through the burnout by yourself “until life lets up” and leave it at that - I tried that, and all that happened was a break-down, and afterwards not being able to work, period, for several months. My life back then was not sustainable for my body, and it told me through burnout as a last measure to get me to stop living like that.

In recovery, I’ve also met people who went farther than me (often medication-assisted) and did themselves literal organ damage - one lady had a nearly complete shut-down of the adrenal glands, another had a series of mini-strokes due to elevated blood pressure… it gets bad.

You say there are only two weeks to go, and I wish you the best to get there in one piece. Do try exercising, avoiding screens for two hours before bed, listen to an audiobook to fall asleep, try lavender tea or something, use all the tips.

But please know that afterwards it will not necessarily be over, the exhaustion may stay or come back easily, and you really, really need to reach out to a professional, your GP or psychiatrist and look into treatment options, not just coping options.

Wish you all the best!

I’ve been using ChatGPT to find inspiration for greeting cards (for birthday, wedding etc.) for people I don’t know that well.

4-5 / 0-1 / 4-5 / 0-1, repeated for at least 1 minute, better 5 minutes or more. (not too deep or light-headedness can happen)

This is resonance frequency breathing (at round about 0,1 Hz) which maximizes heart rate variability and activates the baroreflex (blood pressure). It’s usually used with a HRV biofeedback device to find the best individual breathing frequency, but it’s not strictly necessary. Just find the speed around these marks that feels good (without feeling like you’re out of breath or getting dizzy). Breath into your belly.

There’s tons of studies for its effects, but mostly it activates your vagal control, and thus tones down anxiety, can help with depression and PTSD symptoms when done regularly, and also helps with high blood pressure, can make recovery after heart surgery easier, is used in professional sports, may help with IBS etc. Look for papers on “HRV biofeedback effects”, if you’re interested.

The most immediate effect I personally have is feeling both more relaxed and more alert, similar to after meditation.

This week as well as last week, I am still waiting for my diagnostic report to tell me if I have ADHD or not - the sessions were in September. The wait time has been announced, but I am still impatient, which is kinda fitting, I guess… While it is clear to me, my therapist and the diagnostician that I likely have some kind of neurodivergence, it’s not quite clear if ADHD is the ticket. Which also makes sense - if it was super-obvious, somebody would have noticed before my thirties, I hope. I guess I’ll know soon enough.

Either way, I still find the ADHD communities such as this one very, very relatable, so if it’s alright, I’ll just stay on even if I didn’t meet the diagnostic criteria. :)

Anyone else? Yes.

(Thanks for the reminder! :D)

I wanted to let you know that your story resonated deeply with me. We had a similar family dynamic in parts (esp. the teaming up by apparent neurotypes), only nobody is officially diagnosed (I’m still waiting for results), which made it even harder to make sense of for a long time. So I feel for you!

During my university years especially, I also struggled heavily with keeping up with household stuff, which made me quite the unpopular flat mate… it’s a huge source of shame for me, and still affects me to this day (though I’d like to believe I’ve gotten better).

Thank you for sharing, even if it is uncomfortable, it made me feel less alone with these experiences - so please don’t feel like you have to apologize :)

There’s a difference between signalling the brain to release its own dopamine and taking external dopamine. (Important note: All of this is a simplification, I am not an expert!)

The first could be done with drugs (legal and illegal) or other dopamine-stimulating activities with instant rewards, and it absolutely has the ability to change our reasoning (like “Oh yeah, I’ll definitely feel better if I sit motionlessly for hours scrolling memes I don’t even find that funny, and should not, as logic and knowledge dictates, maybe go outside and move my body a little, because that won’t feel as good (doesn’t release as much dopamine)”). So here, the answer is yes, totally. Which is why for example ADHD medication tries to effect an easier release of dopamine to make it easier on the brain-carrier to make different choices, away from instant reward towards delayed gratification.

For the second thing - dopamine’s precursor, L-Dopa, is the straightest way to actually add more dopamine to the brain (since dopamine itself can not pass the blood-brain-barrier, but L-dopa can and is then synthesized into dopamine), which is done in Parkinson’s patients and helps them tremendously. Interestingly however, if you overdose it, you can fall into a drug-induced psychosis, a state in which one could argue that logic and reasoning are indeed affected, so that’s another yes, but not in the way you mean, I think.

In conclusion, brain neurotransmitter chemistry is pretty complicated, but interesting, and the answer to the question if changing something about it will lead to different ways of thinking is very often yes, which is why medicine is doing it :)

I hope you’re doing well now after your Covid bout! I had one in early December, and while it was mild, I still don’t feel quite right…

Which sucks, especially because it’s the home stretch for Christmas now, and due to being sick (and generalized procrastination) I did NOT have enough time to get stuff done. Right now, there’s a small heap of half-wrapped presents looking at me, and a wholly unpacked suit case for travelling to home town tomorrow. I just can’t make myself do it right now. Thank god we’re not hosting.

Also, my partner is barely able to function during December due to Christmas-related family trauma resurfacing, and while it’s getting better each year, nearly all of the emotional (and actual) christmas-related labour falls to me, while trying my best to be there for them. And also for myself, since I’m not doing so well this year, either.

But I also know that it’s gonna be fine and relaxed and nice as soon as we’ve arrived. There are fun activities planned, and plenty of down-time and meeting with old friends, and I’m really looking forward to it. Just need to get over the last hurdles in a mad dash.

Also, it’s winter solstice tomorrow, so additionally, sunlight-and-thus-seasonal-depression-wise, better days are ahead!

I just want to declare my intention to chill the fuck out until the new year!

Currently on the sofa, sipping coffee, alternatingly reading a book and browsing lemmy. Might get up and have a shower later, and that concludes today’s business. I am pleased.