MiddleWeigh
Any time. I like talking about my experiences. I don’t have anything else yknow. And I feel like I’ve gained a little wisdom thru my trials. I don’t have that many people I socialize with yknow. If one of my words makes someone think a thought they wouldn’t have otherwise, my life is worth it.
That means a lot to me fr.
For how I started read the post after yours (:
My rock bottom? Hell there’s no such thing. The bottom just keeps moving. Eviction? No electricity? Starving? Nope I found a way. Multiple arrests and charges? Nope. No money? I sold lots of my precious music gear. Nope. Sold my SOs great aunts wedding rings from the 20s was pretty bad…but:
This is my most “wtf am I doing” moment. And I’d consider it rock bottom. It’s not crazy, but it’s something I’m super ashamed about and would never do if not for drugs. Stealing. I got fired from my job because I was taking tools and pawning them, then returning them when I could get them out. …
Well one day a coworker just happened to be in this run down little pawn shop. He caught me. He didn’t tell on me until a week later, I suffered like raskalinov that entire time about my guilt and getting found out. I was a mess.
My job was awesome too with awesome people. They were gonna put me through rehab! But I just walked out before my boss even got to the job to talk to me and haven’t talked any of them since, all driven by shame and embarrassment.
In the end, it wasn’t enough. I used for another 6 or 7 years. It took me doing jail time. Something light, only 90 days. But that was simultaneously the worst and best thing that ever happened to me. I made the best of jail, laughed a LOT, lived in raw human sewage for a week with no running water, ate shitty food and talked to some shitty and some cool af people. Never looked back. I know that if fuck up even a little bit, I’m going right back. I’m not on parole anymore but I’m in the system. Everytime I get pulled over I get searched, cuffed, and put in the squad car. I have to be air tight. Especially where I live.
It changed my entire being. It disconnecting me from everything, emotions, people, and mostly myself. Today I am more mindful. I have gained some much needed emotional intelligence, and most of all I gained some perspective. I’m still putting my life back together, but I’m just really appreciative that I get to experience anything at all, any emotion, anything. Anything past dead is gravy for me. I wouldn’t trade my shitty experience for the world.
The fentanyl crisis is a natural evolution. Stronger cheaper easier to manufacture. I think it’s mostly a cause of a broken education and criminal justice system. Prohibition never worked. Give the people something safe to use, offer them treatment. They’re gonna do it anyway.
The scariest thing that came along with fentanyl is the vet tranquilizer that they cut it with. Since fent does not last as long and is not as euphoric, the tranquilizer is added to make it last longer and feel heavier. It causes all types of issues in your body. Swollen limbs, sleep standing, nodding out on limbs can cause permanent nerve damage. It’s just super dangerous all around.
Look, I could only use fentanyl after a certain point. Heroin wouldn’t even get me well. I’ve always practiced pretty good harm reduction tactics, but by the time I made the transition to fentanyl, it was nearly impossible for me to OD. I actually never ODed by common definition. Always kept intra muscular AND intranasal Naloxone on hand. New syringe everytime (usually eek).
But yea it was a constant worry. I would do “allergy tests” before main dose. I guess I got lucky.
Most people OD after they get clean. Out of jail/rehab etc, but I NEVER got clean besides for that last time. I knew coming out if I fucked around, I’d def find out with the stuff on the street today.
After about a year I wanted to stop, but couldn’t. I fell into a cycle of needing to work to survive and needing to use to work, a never ending justification of my use.
What got me clean was a chance to get clean. I got locked up for 3 months in county, and court ordered 28 day rehab.
That’s all I needed. I been there done that. You couldn’t pay me to do it again.
I agree. I may be guilty of it, being from the u.s. and all, but I try to make effort to add detail for global community when it comes to location-based topics.
It’s crazy how big u.s. is, it can’t help but default, plus we’re largely idiots here lmao.
Ask me to convert 1 foot to millimeters…ain’t happening without a chart lol. Damn public education system!!!
I’m gonna make a conscious effort everyone.